It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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