Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
