if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
