And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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