I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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