Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
