i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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