While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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