Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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