You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
