I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Two words: nipple clamps
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