If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios