my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.