So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji