And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You dont lie about slip and slides
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.