I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
