You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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