So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
