you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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