The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
