He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
