so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
