When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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