That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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