They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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