oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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