Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
