I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I intend to get homeless drunk
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
