Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
