Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
