You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
