i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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