The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
