Apparently you make a good broom.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
