Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
