This is not my ceiling
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
