Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
