I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
