but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
