he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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