Plan B is the new Plan A
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
