sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
