During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
