How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize