she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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