he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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