I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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