I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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