So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
