I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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