I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
