Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
