Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So many bounce houses so little time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
