Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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