Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
