Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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