I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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