winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
