why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
