my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
