if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
