Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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