I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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