In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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