Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
