Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
