i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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